Cremated
by setoobsessive
Summary: Rating may change. Someone dear to Seto has died, and he's not letting anyone help him with this emotional time for him. He's fighting alone against two things: the outside world and himself
1. Emotion

Chapter 1: Emotion

I was bored, like most students in school. Everyone was falling asleep because of the teacher's lecture that in reality had nothing to do with the actual lesson.

I was quite relieved when the school bell interrupted, signaling for us to go to lunch. I quickly strode out of there, and I went to the roof.

I usually just sat on the roof and enjoyed the sun that was to pour on me, but today the weather was very bad and the rain was making puddles everywhere. I was glad that I had had the school set up a mat that connected the door's roof. It stretched out for about two meters, and so there was about a meter and a half of dry ground. I sat down there and took out my laptop.

I never ate lunch. Thanks to a certain somebody, food was not that big a deal to me. I ate the minimum amount, just enough to keep me alive and going, but nothing in between. I didn't care for many foods either, since I was a picky eater.

I began to check the stocks on my webpage, when suddenly the roof's door opened and out came the annoying group of Motou and his friends.

"Hey Kaiba! Imagine seeing you up here!" Yugi said, smiling. I was disgusted. I ignored them, but then the mutt just had to come and interrupt my thoughts.

"Hey! Mr. MoneyBags! Yugi said hi!" he shouted almost knocking out one of my ear drums.

"I know. But I refused to respond." I replied calmly. "Listen, we didn't come up here looking for a fight!" Friendship girl added with a flip of her hair.

"Neither did I. I was up here working, something I find hard for any of you not to understand, and you came up here. Am I not correct, or did Yugi say something that I refused to answer and the mutt gave me an attitude for?" I asked.

"He has a point guys." Motou said quietly. The Mutt looked as if he was pouting, but I let it off. I began typing furiously at my keyboard, and pretty soon I realized that the group was sitting on the other side of the door, giggling and laughing and being obnoxiously loud.

I became annoyed quickly and stood up. I knew they were too busy paying attention to themselves, so I began to sneak out of the there in a not so sneaky way. Boy, do I have a sense of humor today. Ptf, I think I'm being stupid and that's it.

Anyway, just then my cellphone rang. I answered it without much concern. "Kaiba." I said harshly.

"Sir…we have something to tell you." A shaking voice said. 

The next thing I knew, everything was spinning. I was wobbling, and I was out in the rain. Motou was running over to me, Jounouchi and Honda and Anzu also. My cellphone was on the floor under the mat.

I was so scared. Never in my life had I been so frightened. Not even when Gozaburo did things to me. 

"Kaiba?" I heard Yugi call my name, but it was far away. My vision was blurring up, and tears came to my eyes. 

I noticed I had slid down to the wet floor when I reached the chain-link fence surrounding me from a falling death. "Kaiba? Are you OK?!" I heard Yugi calling my name in a concerned and frightened way. 

Nothing's alright. Nothing will ever be alright. Ever since I was born, I was sent down a path of bad luck. But this…after that promise I had made…after the deaths that I had to see or hear about, after all the hardships and after all the bad times…

Yet I couldn't cry. I was void of all emotions except for pain and fear and frustration and denial. So all I could do was stare…stare into the now crying concerned eyes of Yugi Motou and the scared faces of his gang.

Jounouchi I don't think cared that much, because he had a face ready under his concerned one that I could see as plain as day. I guess he was just expecting me to stop with this and give everyone a glare, then shout, 'Oh you dumb little faggots! That was the oldest trick in the book! And you fell for it! Thinking I, _me_, would be in that much emotion. Ptf, yeah right!'

But in reality…it would never be like that. Not anymore. 

Suddenly, I was at a lost for words. I couldn't respond. But then, without knowing what I was saying…they came out:

"If you…believe that your life is not worth living…then believe that another life is worth living for…"

I knew instantly what they meant, though the others did not. I stared down at my hands. They were shaking. My whole body was shaking. I was on the verge of something I had never felt before.

"Seto…what happened?" Yugi asked. I started shaking even more.

"O-only t-t-three people-e-e c-c-can use tha-t-t-t n-n-name…and they—they-they…" and I couldn't take it anymore. I broke away from the stupid little circle they had surrounded me by. 

I ran past my things and down the fleet of stairs. I was almost at the bottom when I tripped.

Me…trip…not possible. But it did. And at that moment I knew my life was unbalanced. I tried to get up, but I found I couldn't move. I was too weak. Emotionally.

"Kaiba…" I heard now the concerned voice of Jounouchi, "Are you OK?" 

"W-W-What d-d-do you m-m-mean m-mutt?? I'm perfectly f-f-fine…" I stuttered. I mentally kicked myself.

He helped me up otherwise and I couldn't take it anymore. 

"Why…?" I asked.

"Well, everyone needs help Kaiba." Jounouchi replied, as if thinking that was why I asked the question.

"Why…why couldn't it had been me." I had no tears coming down, and none in my eyes now, but I was trying hard to find the emotion within me so I could let it all out. 

"Huh?" the stupid dog asked.

And suddenly, I was raging. I was so annoyed, so mad. "Dammit! Why the hell couldn't it have been me?!" 

Wrong emotion.

"What the hell are you bloody talking about Kaiba?!" I heard him yell. "All my…all my life thing went down the wrong path. So why the bloody hell couldn't I have just of…" I couldn't say it.

"Seto." Yugi was right by me now, helping hold me up. I didn't care anymore.

"He's gone…He's gone. He's was just a kid Yugi…just a kid. He got everything I never had, and I wanted to keep it that way. But…no…he just had to disappear. Into a puff of light white. He gets to meet the parents I never got to know. He gets to not have to go through the pain of the god forsaken world! He's gone…and nothing cane bring him back!" I shouted. There. Happy you bunch of filthy worms. Happy I gave you all the things you wanted to suck in?

"Who…?" Anzu asked, then she finally got the picture.

"Yeah. He's gone." I shouted. Then I found it. I found the tears and the sadness. But I also found the pain. 

It hurt so much. I slid down even after they had to get me up. I slid down and buried my head in my knees. "It hurts Yugi. It hurts more then anything. I promised. It was my fault he died. It's my fault Mokuba died."

Mokuba's gone. If only I could have of gotten away quickly just like him. No pain, no suffering, just get knicked and then you're dead. 

He was the one who kept me going, and now I have nothing left. Nothing will matter anymore. And then I can finally do what I always dreamed of doing. 

"Angels…lend me your might. Forfeit all my lives just to get one right. All those colors long since faded. All our smiles all confiscated. Never were we told. We'd been bought and sold. When we were innocent." I spoke softly.

All eyes were upon me, but I didn't care. It was appropriate. It was what Mokuba said I should do if I ever felt like thinking of the past. 

Well, since Mokuba is gone, I was going to think of the past. I was going to think of how he kept me going all those years. I was going to think of him, but that would bring torment back to my mind. So I just rhymed off the song.

"This prayer is for me tonight. This far down the line and still ain't got it right. And while our confessions not yet stated. Our next sin is contemplated. Never did we know. What the future would hold. Or that we'd be bought and sold. We were innocent." And that was all I wanted to say. I knew I past the first verse, but what the hell, I don't like it.

"We're here for you Seto." Anzu said, tears coming to her eyes. She held a hand to her heart and I growled. "Only three people can call me that name! And there all dead!" but I fumbled with the last word and I ended up just staying silent with a few muffled breaths. 

Yugi sat down next to me, and wrapped his small arms around me, but then I realized it was Yami. But for now I didn't care. I didn't care about my appearance either, for I buried myself into Yami's chest and cried there.

I stopped about ten minutes later but I just stayed where I was. I didn't feel like doing anything. 

"He fell asleep." I heard Anzu say. How amusing. I felt Yami stroke my hair, and I heard him chuckle. "He's had a tough day. I'll wait for him to wake up, but you guys should get to class." I heard him say.

And then, as I heard the soft sounds of the footsteps fading away, I fell into black.

But no matter who hard I couldn't say it, it was always there in my mind:

Mokuba…Mokuba was dead. 


	2. Funeral

Chapter 2: Funeral

I was dressed in black for days. Yugi and his friends grieved for about three days, but they gave up.

I was now way black. I pulled black eyes liner on, put black streaks into my hair.

I didn't eat much either, not that I ever really ate anything. I was in a huge depression, and didn't read books and go onto the computer and haggle with other companies. I didn't go to school. 

I stayed in Mokuba's room now, sitting in a corner with his favorite blanket pulled around me. I also had his favorite things at my side, his bike, his plushies, and even his science project he had made some time ago.

I did not leave the room or make any contact with the outside world for two days. I never once had to use the restroom, and I never once brushed my hair or teeth or got food or took a shower. I did not move. 

I let the days go by slowly, though wishing they would be faster. I finally received a call, saying Yugi had scheduled a large funeral. 

I was to give a speech, but I didn't feel like it. But yet, for my brother, I got up and cleaned myself up. I ate something and drank some water, took a shower and brushed my hair and teeth. 

The day the funeral arrived, I was once again void of any emotions. I sat on the deck while the priest Yugi had asked to come began his own little sermon and spoke from his book. 

I tuned everything out. Finally, I was to speak.

"Mokuba…" I started, making sure my eyes never lingered onto Mokuba's body or to my classmates. The audience was large, but I knew what they wanted.

"Mokuba…was my brother, my friend, my one and only person who cared about me. He was the only one in which I could share something with and not have to worry that it would be put to bad usage. He was by me everyday of my life…" I began to run out of things to say.

In truth, I had so many things I wanted to say. I wanted to tell everyone how many times he saved me, how he was always looking up to me and that made me become a strong person. I wanted to tell them how much I was abused by Gozaburo, and how Mokuba just stood by my side and told me it would be all better. But it never did…it only got worse.

"But when he wasn't there, he was always at some place where I knew he would be safe. He taught me that trust is something that can be gained easily if you know the right person." He glanced at Yugi, but they seemed distraught. 

"Whenever I was too busy, he always gave me his favorite quotes. I would read them and understand why he felt that way. For example… 'Only the dead see the end of war'…Plato. And… 'When you've reached the end of all the light you know, faith is knowing that one of two things will happen. Either you will have something solid to land on, or you will be taught to fly…'." Suddenly, the world was oblivious to me, and I could only see my hand. "Mokuba…he wanted to fly so much. When we were younger, he would always ask me if flying made you free. He drew me a blues eyes picture when him and me lived with my stepfather. He said he drew it because he wanted to fly on the Blue eyes. Just him and me. We would fly so far away from the mansion. But in reality…it was all just a dream…Life is a dream…and it all ends in death." I shook my head mentally.

"We finally got the freedom we wanted when Gozaburo passed away…and that was our dream all along. That was his dream, to be free. But I can't help but think…Dreams come true…but they also end…" I couldn't take it anymore, and I backed away from the podium. 

The priest must have sensed my thought and rushed to the podium. He allowed for four people to come and take my brother's grave, but I refused for one of them to do it. 

"I'm holding a corner." I said with a warning in my voice and a glare. The man backed down immediately and I held the top right corner. I carried him into the Hearse and I sat in the passenger seat of it.

People might have said I was obsessed with a dead grave, but in reality, a dead grave was obsessed with me. 

We arrived at the Cemetery about five minutes before anyone, and I stood there watching them put my brother's grave in. But right before the thing was to be closed all the way, I took off my locket and I threw it in there. 

If Mokuba somehow were able to look in there, he would have seen the picture of Mother and Father. I left immediately afterwards.

Once again, I stayed in Mokuba's room for three days and two nights, without sleep or contact.

To tell you the truth…I was totally wasted. But I didn't care. I don't care about anything anymore. If Satan himself was to come up and say that I was going to Hell with him and I would spend the rest of my days as a slave in Purgatory, then so be it. If Yugi and his friends were to come to bother me, I would sit there without a care.

Finally, I exited the room. I cleaned myself up and acted professional again. But now…now all my emotions were gone. I had no reason to keep them in me. Everything I ever had was gone, and in order to keep at least my home, I would need to work. 

I looked at a picture of Mokuba, then smirked. I lowered it. "Seto's gone Mokuba. He went to the grave. It's me now…Kaiba. Remember me?" I chuckled. 

Seto was gone too. Soon everything was going to be gone. And I will make sure of it.


	3. Reality

Chapter 3: Reality

I arrived to school the next day and did as I normally would. It was about ten minutes of peace before the mutt came in. I felt like taking a fight, but I was never one to start one.

Not true. _Seto_ was never one to start one, and _Seto_ is gone now. So I got up and made my way over to him.

"Shut your trap mutt." I smirked. Jounouchi growled. "Shut it Kaiba!" I didn't care though. I simply laughed. "Why would I want to do that?"

Yugi put his hand on my arm. I let it sit there while he talked. "Kaiba…we know you've been through a hard time. And I just want to say that we're here for you. There's no need to take out an unneeded emotion to get over what happened." He said softly.

I took Yugi hand in my own and I squeezed it very hard as I lowered it away from me. "Keep your filthy hands to yourself Motou. It just so happens that what happened to Mokuba is over with me. I'm fine with it. I've learned to move on. Besides." I glared at him. "I don't need anybody."

Yugi whimpered and held his hands. Puppy and Friendship gave me dirty looks, but I let it slide. I was having a lot of fun. "Well well well…what are you going to do about that?" I taunted.

The mutt I guess couldn't take a joke, because he growled again and slammed his fist into my jaw, causing me to stagger back. I haven't been hit in a long time. But I just put a hand to my jaw quickly then put it down and smirked again. 

"Aww…poor little puppy dog can't control his anger? Letting your anger out by punching me won't help." I taunted again, sending him to punch me in the jaw again. Now blood was coming from my mouth.

But you know what…? It…it actually felt good. To be hit again. To be hit, but it's not Gozaburo. I wanted to continue this forever.

"Not listening is also a bad thing to do. Someone needs to go to obedience school." I smirked. Two hits to my jaw.

I was by now so amused, and he was huffing with anger. Yugi couldn't hold him down, and Anzu was agreeing for him to do this. The classroom was chanting and making uproar. 

"It's not good to hit your owner Mutt. Someone needs to be put down. Perhaps I could get your little sister to—" that did it. He attacked me, just what I had wanted him to do. I was slammed into the ground and he was atop me, pounding my face in. Suddenly, I remembered that my reputation was better then what I felt, so I quickly turned this over by grabbing his hand the next time he was going to punch me. I pushed it hard away from him, so he had to stagger back. I jumped up, sending a lot of gasps around the room and amazed sounds. I kicked Jounouchi in the jaw and while he recoiled, I slammed my fist into his gut, sending him sailing and hit the wall. I spit some blood onto his face. 

"Don't mess with me mutt." I warned, then walked away.

I exited the school and rounded the corner before sliding down the wall and holding my head in my hands. 

"Walk with the master, learn with the master, beat the master and become the master." I mumbled under my breath. I said that right before I pushed Gozaburo. That was the happiest day of my life…but now as I reflect back on it, I don't understand why I said it.

I don't even know why at that moment this thought appeared in my head. Do my memories always have to just sneak up on me when I least want them or need them to? 

But now…it did this more then ever. Just because Mokuba is gone, my defenses go down, and my walls begin to crumble. My mask…my façade…it's all just turning inside out, so that my true feelings are shown outside and my cold-hearted side is just where people say it is…in my heart.

I get up and begin to walk back into the school, but I turn away and begin walking the opposite way. I sighed and then didn't even care that I had left my suitcase. I would get it later, since the teachers understand my dilemma.

I hear Yami running at me with Honda on his end. I don't bother to comply with their shouts, since I know they'll just come at me anyways.

"What the hell is wrong with you Kaiba?!" Yami shouted. I don't stop. "You wouldn't understand." 

"At least try to make me understand! How would you know what I'm capable of understanding and not understanding anyways Kaiba!?" Yami shouted. I stop walking and look at his crimson eyes. "Fine." I say. "Death is lighter then a feather. Duty, heavier then a mountain." There. A riddle. Try to get that one you asshole.

"I get it all ready Kaiba! You think that protecting Mokuba was your duty, and now that he is gone, you are giving in to this Ra damned emotion that made you taunt Jou and beat him to a bloody pulp!" Yami shouted. I now stopped. 

I did not turn around, but I was glaring at a lamppost. 

I heard Yami's voice soften, which took me by some surprise. "Seto…why do you think that protecting Mokuba was a duty?"

My glare turned into a confused look.

"Why have you always protected Mokuba? Are you following someone's orders?"

"…No" was my reply. I heard him walk towards me and stop directly behind me.

"Indeed, your wish to protect Mokuba came within you. It was your sworn promise. It was your will." Yami walked to the side of me. I didn't look at him, but down at the ground, my face changing into sadness again.

"Fulfilling duties for the sake of others is important at times. However, if you become bound by your duties, you will be nothing but a puppet. Seto, if you wish to break out of your own wretched destiny, follow your will to the end. You. Are. Your. Own." Yami finished, and I realized that he was right. 

I clenched my fists, wanting to deny it. But then I heard Seto's voice within me.

//He's right//

And I couldn't deny that. Seto was seeping through me, and I was trying to fight him off. 

"Seto…" Yami looked at me. I looked at him, unfazed by the name for the moment.

"I…I know you're going through a hard time." He seemed to struggle for the right words. "But we're here for you. And we will continue to be here for you until the very end." 

"The end? When has the end ever happened? As long as this world continues to grow and the sin in people's hearts drives out the pureness, we will never encounter the end." I sneered. I sharply began to walk away. "Answer me this Yami!" I shouted over my shoulder. "Why would you be there for me until the end if they end is becoming the beginning?!"

I heard Yami growl. "Dammit Seto!" he shouted. "Learn to live!"

I stopped and began to shake my shoulders in silent laughter. Silent bitter laughter. "How can I learn to live for so long? How can I, if I've been dead for so long?" and with that, I stalked off, the bitter laughter leaving my rival in a shocked stance.


End file.
